its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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