On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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