I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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