I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
