you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
