I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
