Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
