So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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