i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
