I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
