I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
