i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
