I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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