I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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