Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
