If i come over, it means nothing
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
