she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
