dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
