i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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