i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
