so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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