Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
