so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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