So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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