So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
