God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
