somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
