Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
false alarm, still single
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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