The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
