I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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