I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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