Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
