my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
