I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
