i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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