I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
