Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
