PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
