New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
