we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
