I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
