Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
