how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
