i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
