Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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