i just sent this text using only my big toe
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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