Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
