Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
