There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
be right there i have to get my cape
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
