I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
