i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
