the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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