Sry I called you an 8
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
