you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
