maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
