if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
